My husband has gotten hornier with age

I should’ve predicted this based on his behavior as a younger man, but alas

This photo contains three brass instruments. See if you can spot them.

It all started a few months ago when we received an email inviting parents/grandparents/caregivers of our district’s band students to participate in an adult band.

I immediately knew this spelled trouble, because Noah has only two regrets in life: 1) giving up French horn in middle school because somebody teased him about his poor tone (it was his first day!! give him a break!), and 2) not joining The Lord of the Rings Fan Club, thus missing the opportunity to have his name forever roll in the credits of Fellowship of the Ring. This fateful email allowed him the rare opportunity to reverse one of those regrets.¹

The horn acquisition began with a borrowed French horn from the band director.² That was all for several months, lulling me into a false sense of security. But then someone from band offered him a loaner trombone—Noah was originally a trombonist in school—which swiftly led him to a great-value Craigslist find (we don’t want to LOSE money on this!), so now he plays with his own ’bone. Then a coworker³ offered up his household’s superfluous trumpet, and here we are: more brass per capita than the Army. The square-footage-per-instrument allowance in our home⁴ is nearly equal to the square-footage-per-person.

As I said in the subtitle, I should’ve seen this coming. When we were in college, Noah took violin lessons despite not majoring in or minoring in music. Over the years he’s dabbled with an Irish bodhran, a harmonium, an electric guitar, and a harmonica as well. But life throws us curveballs, doesn’t it? For instance, I did not expect to be giving a hamster regular Epsom salt foot baths, but that also has come to pass.

Believe me, sir, I'm as surprised as you are by what’s happening.

Our family and close friends always chuckle when Noah picks up some new musical interest—last week I found him trimming his beard while listening to jazz, but I could’ve just as easily found him doing dishes while listening to Beethoven—and he always gets a bit miffed by our amusement. In fact, two weeks ago, my brother was over when Noah went to meet the Craigslist guy and when prompted to guess what Noah was going to buy, he said “I dunno, a trombone,” which was then confirmed. Kyle burst out laughing. “I just picked the most random instrument, but that’s really it?”

This somewhat incongruous⁵ musical bent—for he indeed shows aptitude with every instrument he tries—is one of the things I love about Noah. I may laugh, but it’s only out of surprise and delight.

1. If one day Peter Jackson emails, Noah will know for sure that there is a God and he has a plan for us after all.

2. Jayden graduated 8th grade and no longer needed it.

3. GRANT.

4. We also have a piano, a half-size violin, a classical guitar, a regular guitar, a flute, and a number of tin whistles/recorders in this 1,100 square feet. Not all of those instruments are Noah’s, to be fair.

5. Noah’s past jobs include projectionist, youth minister, police officer, and Navy petty officer; he’s currently a senior IS analyst. None of these jobs required him to play an instrument.