This pneumonia? Oh, I just picked up on my covert op in Russia last week

You guys, I'm siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii(cough, hack)iiiiiiiiiiiiiiick. The World's Worst Cold was the World's Worst Cold because it was, in fact, pneumonia. I haven't been sick like this since Ethan's first year of life, in which I used all ten alloted sick days and the majority of my ten vacation days battling repeated cases of bronchitis, stomach flu and fire boob mastitis. Many of you have expressed concern and a bit of confusion over the treatments for pneumonia (RA, for instance, worried that an external and purposeful lung puncture, most likely with a hollowed out ink pen, was part of it), but the truth is far less immediate and horrifying: two weeks of twice-daily antibiotics and a lot of rest.

I know; I'm thrilling you with this information. But this is where it gets good.

When I looked up my medication on Google (I like to be an informed consumer), I learned that it's also used to treat cases of malaria and inhaled anthrax. Considering the high-risk bio-weapons espionage work I've been doing lately, I consider this killing two birds with one stone.