I love reading about the process of talking to children. I have a two-year old and I find communicating to be challenging on at least three levels. First, I have to figure out what the hell she is actually saying--what words she is trying to artciulate. Then I have to try and figure out how those words fit together into some kind of meaning ("Go park watch Elmo" is easy but "Dada grown up Mama child at back door" is just...like...are you on acid? Or what?). Recently, too, I've found I have to try and figure out to what extent she is, so to speak, f***ing with me. Like, when she points to our gate--which is clearly open--and says, over and over and over again "gate is closed"....at some point it becomes apparent that she is NOT striving to master new vocabulary but rather to just f*** with Dada's mind. Which is pretty awesome, actually....
Yes!! And actually while reading your comment I had further insight into how parental energy is taxed by kids. WE are constantly learning/interpreting while also engaging emotionally with them. No wonder parenting is exhausting. <—not a bad thing, just a reality. It’s an Olympic sport of human development.
What a lovely and fun essay! I am lucky that I am able to enjoy code-switching in a totally apolitical context because of where I live (Bern). Every German-speaking Swiss person is at least bilingual—in the dialect of their community, and in Standard German. Bern Deutsch, for example, is so different from Standard German that it is impossible for me, an intermediate German speaker, to understand it. (Tbh, it sounds a bit like the Swedish Chef to me, but don’t tell my neighbors I said that.) Everyone I speak with here readily switches to Standard German with me, and I have never gotten the sense that this code-switching bothers them. But Swiss people are rightly very proud of their dialects—it’s not like in the US, when sadly too many people still view AAVE and Spanglish as ungrammatical. That being said, I have a friend who is German, and people often refuse to switch to Standard German for her. I will know that my German has gotten really good when this starts happening with me too!
I much prefer your abundance model (rather than zero-sum) for code-switching. Isn’t it terrific that we all have these different roles, and that we can be flexible depending on the groups we’re in at a given time? It’s not a burden. It’s part of being a member of a social species.
Btw, my 21-year-old son is still a huge fan of dinosaurs, and he would recommend the Walking with Dinosaurs series to Harry. They’re wonderful: narrated by Kenneth Branagh, they mimic typical BBC nature shows, but with dinosaurs and other prehistoric critters. Adults love the show too!
Thank you Mari! I actually thought of you after the fact when I remembered you're overseas. I have a friend who lived in Italy who did her best to become proficient: she wanted to be able talk to her neighbors and new friends. Mentally taxing but worth it!
And thanks for the show recommendation. You have become an invaluable parenting resource lately!
Hard agree -- sometimes when I'm really tired and/or my worlds collide I forget what language I'm speaking and wind up with someone wrinkling their forehead at me in bewilderment. And sometimes I randomly forget English words and can only come up with the Italian, which is super disconcerting, or I have a slow brain day and can't express myself well in my adopted language, which is hugely frustrating. Sure, all this takes some extra energy -- but doesn't *anything* worthwhile? Building a rich and interesting life is never easy -- it doesn't work that way. Struggle and variety bring depth and meaning.
I loved these descriptions of your kids' individual worlds, Erin -- but you have to tell me -- what on earth does "Yeah but what’s she like at Starbucks" mean?? Is it anything like that weird British-ism "what's that when it's at home"? Not sure if I'm old or not online enough, lol (or, probably, both)...
Come si dice...yas queen!!! (One of my friends growing up had an Italian mother.)
The Starbucks thing is a reference to "Karens" and how they behave in public. She probably wants to talk to the manager.
Also, in college I minored in French and was translating an essay I wrote for my then-boyfriend ( now husband!) and reverted to French without even realizing it. Translation is hard especially in real time.
I'm really glad i subscribed. I have three adult children (ages 34, 31, and 28) and your stories about their languages brought back many fond memories. You are an excellent and entertaining writer!
You are so kind! That’s one of the reasons I started writing again: looking back at things I’ve written when my eldest was young brings back forgotten lovely memories. I want more of that with my younger two.
I love reading about the process of talking to children. I have a two-year old and I find communicating to be challenging on at least three levels. First, I have to figure out what the hell she is actually saying--what words she is trying to artciulate. Then I have to try and figure out how those words fit together into some kind of meaning ("Go park watch Elmo" is easy but "Dada grown up Mama child at back door" is just...like...are you on acid? Or what?). Recently, too, I've found I have to try and figure out to what extent she is, so to speak, f***ing with me. Like, when she points to our gate--which is clearly open--and says, over and over and over again "gate is closed"....at some point it becomes apparent that she is NOT striving to master new vocabulary but rather to just f*** with Dada's mind. Which is pretty awesome, actually....
Yes!! And actually while reading your comment I had further insight into how parental energy is taxed by kids. WE are constantly learning/interpreting while also engaging emotionally with them. No wonder parenting is exhausting. <—not a bad thing, just a reality. It’s an Olympic sport of human development.
What a lovely and fun essay! I am lucky that I am able to enjoy code-switching in a totally apolitical context because of where I live (Bern). Every German-speaking Swiss person is at least bilingual—in the dialect of their community, and in Standard German. Bern Deutsch, for example, is so different from Standard German that it is impossible for me, an intermediate German speaker, to understand it. (Tbh, it sounds a bit like the Swedish Chef to me, but don’t tell my neighbors I said that.) Everyone I speak with here readily switches to Standard German with me, and I have never gotten the sense that this code-switching bothers them. But Swiss people are rightly very proud of their dialects—it’s not like in the US, when sadly too many people still view AAVE and Spanglish as ungrammatical. That being said, I have a friend who is German, and people often refuse to switch to Standard German for her. I will know that my German has gotten really good when this starts happening with me too!
I much prefer your abundance model (rather than zero-sum) for code-switching. Isn’t it terrific that we all have these different roles, and that we can be flexible depending on the groups we’re in at a given time? It’s not a burden. It’s part of being a member of a social species.
Btw, my 21-year-old son is still a huge fan of dinosaurs, and he would recommend the Walking with Dinosaurs series to Harry. They’re wonderful: narrated by Kenneth Branagh, they mimic typical BBC nature shows, but with dinosaurs and other prehistoric critters. Adults love the show too!
Thank you Mari! I actually thought of you after the fact when I remembered you're overseas. I have a friend who lived in Italy who did her best to become proficient: she wanted to be able talk to her neighbors and new friends. Mentally taxing but worth it!
And thanks for the show recommendation. You have become an invaluable parenting resource lately!
Hard agree -- sometimes when I'm really tired and/or my worlds collide I forget what language I'm speaking and wind up with someone wrinkling their forehead at me in bewilderment. And sometimes I randomly forget English words and can only come up with the Italian, which is super disconcerting, or I have a slow brain day and can't express myself well in my adopted language, which is hugely frustrating. Sure, all this takes some extra energy -- but doesn't *anything* worthwhile? Building a rich and interesting life is never easy -- it doesn't work that way. Struggle and variety bring depth and meaning.
I loved these descriptions of your kids' individual worlds, Erin -- but you have to tell me -- what on earth does "Yeah but what’s she like at Starbucks" mean?? Is it anything like that weird British-ism "what's that when it's at home"? Not sure if I'm old or not online enough, lol (or, probably, both)...
Come si dice...yas queen!!! (One of my friends growing up had an Italian mother.)
The Starbucks thing is a reference to "Karens" and how they behave in public. She probably wants to talk to the manager.
Also, in college I minored in French and was translating an essay I wrote for my then-boyfriend ( now husband!) and reverted to French without even realizing it. Translation is hard especially in real time.
The oppressor/oppressed lens is a terrible way to view everything. I prefer the more scientific binary: Chads and virgins.
I can always count on you to really get at the heart of my points.
I'm really glad i subscribed. I have three adult children (ages 34, 31, and 28) and your stories about their languages brought back many fond memories. You are an excellent and entertaining writer!
You are so kind! That’s one of the reasons I started writing again: looking back at things I’ve written when my eldest was young brings back forgotten lovely memories. I want more of that with my younger two.