Questions for today
<p class="">When I began writing on this particular blog several years ago, I came up with the guiding principle “Think Big, Live Small.” It fit for my place in life at the moment (and continues to fit) being a stay-at-home parent, when my daily exist
When I began writing on this particular blog several years ago, I came up with the guiding principle “Think Big, Live Small.” It fit for my place in life at the moment (and continues to fit) being a stay-at-home parent, when my daily existence is made up of so very many small things (getting juice, changing diapers, sweeping floors, doing laundry, applying band-aids and sunscreen) but which add up to something very big (a childhood).
It’s helpful to remember that most of everybody’s days are made up of small details, but together they make a life. Part of my attempt to periodically engage with that big picture was with a little subset of posts called The Right Questions. Sometimes all it takes to shift my mindset from something toxic or depressing to productive or even life-giving is a shift in the questions I’m asking.
We live in tumultuous times, and we all find ways to cope. Coping mechanisms are an incredible feat of the human brain. The ways in which we choose to cope is one of those small details that have big, real-world ramifications.
I was listening to a podcast on cognitive dissonance and suddenly this question flashed into my mind:
Does your coping mechanism allow for the death of another person?
How could my coping mechanism possibly lead to the death of someone else? you might ask. How do my personal, internal thoughts affect anyone else?
But when it comes to being white, our thoughts have a magical way of manifesting in reality.
As a white person, the thought that systemic racism is real is upsetting, because it forces me to question every single thing I have in life. So to cope, many of us just don’t believe that systemic racism could possibly be real. We just don’t see it.
Let’s think about this: Does your belief that there is no systemic racism allow for knees on the necks of suffocating black men? Do you wonder, well what was he doing? Has he committed a crime this time, or ever?
The idea that abuse of women and girls is widespread is almost too much to bear, so to cope, many of us just don’t believe that all these women and girls could possibly be telling the truth.
Let’s think about this: Does your belief that women are responsible for how the world responds to their bodies allow for harassment and assault to go unpunished, or even to be excused? Do you wonder, how was she dressed? What was she drinking? Why was she there? Why didn’t she say anything?
The idea that all kids don’t have the same opportunities, that some kids have advantages over others, is contrary to the notion that our nation is a meritocracy and democracy. So to cope, we believe that every child has the ability to succeed, to do anything if they only seize the chance and work hard.
Let’s think about this: Does your belief that the playing field is in fact equal, that everyone has an equal chance, allow two schools in the same district to look and perform vastly differently? For instance, in our district, here is the school that is 1% white:
Here is the school that’s 74% white:
(here’s the stats) Does your *legal* right to choose which school your child attends lead to representative diversity or increased segregation?
Or how about this one, as a bonus for Pride Month: Does your belief in a certain reading of the Bible allow for your gay child/sibling/neighbor to be condemned to hell? (There is no such thing as one correct, irrefutable way to interpret the Bible. It’s not possible. I’m not here to debate that point.)
These are uncomfortable questions.
If you are a person of faith/Christian, you should feel especially bound to ask these difficult questions. The gospels are riddled with hard, right questions: Who is my neighbor? What is the greatest command? Where is your treasure? These are philosophical questions, and if Christians aren’t applying them to real-life, present-day situations, what’s the point? Christians today lean hard into their hearts being in the right place, they lean hard into the forgiveness, and many—most?—skip right over how the heart manifests in actions or inactions, how forgiveness is meant to inspire change.
If contemplating these questions makes your tummy/heart/mind hurt, or if these questions make you angry, that’s called cognitive dissonance. Anger covers a multitude of feelings.
And if you decide to just think about something else, to not even consider the alternatives, well that’s called privilege.
Make no mistake: I have asked myself all of these questions. I haven’t always been proud of the answers. The point of asking these questions of ourselves is not to feel bad about ourselves, or angry about ignorance, or feeling like we’ve been kept in the dark about the truth and made complicit by generations of not talking about this. The point is to be the generation that talks about this. Be the generation that asks the right questions. Be the generation that is honest about the answers. The generation that takes the necessary steps to make things better.
Abolitionists, both black and white, insisted that black people were actually people. (Which is insane. That a constitutional amendment enacted 150 years ago—two human life spans ago—was necessary for white people to acknowledge the personhood of black people). Civil Rights movement leaders insisted black people ought to be heard and treated equally. (Which is insane. That in my parents’ lifetime black people were still LEGALLY second-class citizens.)
What was created in the national white psyche over hundreds of years cannot be undone in two human life spans; the notion of supremacy has not been undone in less than one generation. Now it’s time we listened to Black Lives Matter, we hear the things black people are saying, and go a step further: believe them.
Just as small moments add up to a childhood, small thoughts add up to a worldview. Start small, then think bigger.